I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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