I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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