So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
