So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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