Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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