Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
