How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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