No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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