My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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