u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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