Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
