just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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