I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
