First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
