so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
