if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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