he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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