just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My breasts were aching with rage.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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