i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize