You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
