the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
