Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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