Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
