She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
