If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
