This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
