even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
