Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize