I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
