she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
