EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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