I wanna bring you to show and tell
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
farters have to be the big spoon...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
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just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.