we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?