but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."