ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
