Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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