i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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