I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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