Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
