Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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