She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
