I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
