Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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