you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
