I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
