that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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