adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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