She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
