Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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