i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just had sex on a roof
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
