I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
