Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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