good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
