would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
