Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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