I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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