meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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