he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
