Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
