It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
