yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize