I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Panties = found
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
