The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
