When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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