I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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