Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
