i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
