Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
