Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
