the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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