I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
