Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
