another moral hangover. fuck.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
