I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
